Patchwork of Praise

Beyond my technical skills, my purpose in this space is to connect to people who have experienced “The Unexpected.” Dale Hanson Bourke describes it this way in her book Sacred Surprises:

But the unexpected happened to me, just as it happens to all of us at one time or another. Not just a little upset of plans. The Unexpected that stole the very core of what we think we know. The Unexpected that strips away pretense and pride. The Unexpected that either destroys or becomes the soil of new growth. (p 6)

Having survived two of my own Unexpected events in the last six years, I’ve come to understand how much energy it takes to simply survive. And what a lonely place loss can be.

On June 22, 2018, my husband, Gilbert, headed off to work as usual, leaving extra early in an effort to get ahead of the summer heat. He finished one tree cutting job in good time, so he decided to work on a second job which had not been part of his original plan. Little did we know how that single choice would change the course of our lives.

 Fun fact: An impulsive decision is typical of many accidents. (Christopher Reeves, Still Me p 15)

A few hours later I got a call from his crane operator. I was at lunch with writing friends, so I didn’t answer the phone. The call was quickly followed by an urgent text: “911 emergency. Call me right away.” I excused myself from the table to make the call and learned Gilbert had fallen from a tree and was currently being rushed to the hospital. 

With only that limited information, I quickly gathered my things, left my friends (who I later learned stopped to pray for me!), and sped to the hospital unsure of what I would find when I arrived. Less than an hour later, I stood next to  my husband in the ER. He had a brace on his neck and he was being poked, prodded, x-rayed and examined to determine the extent of his injuries. He’d fallen 50 feet and landed on his feet. On concrete. We would learn later that he’d ridden his rope down part way which slowed him enough to prevent a complete crash landing.

(You can read the complete story on the blog, Kustom reKonstruction, my daughter set up to keep friends and family informed: https://gilbertshumwayupdates.blogspot.com/)

He sustained numerous injuries and over the course of the next week, endured several surgeries. He spent 3 weeks in the hospital followed by an additional month in rehab before coming home 30 pounds lighter, but alive. He was also accompanied by a ton of equipment and a whole new schedule and vocabulary. We headed into it all with great bravery, figuring we just had to soldier through to get to the other side of his recovery.

But about one year into our journey reality set in as it became clear that he would never completely recover. That’s when I hit the proverbial wall and had my own crash landing. Actually, I’m still dealing with the fall-out. (Pun intended.)

Disability: the first strange place I had to learn to live in.

Then, two and a half years into our new normal, we survived another disaster when a serious fire ravaged our home. Thankfully, we woke up and got out before being overcome with smoke, although Gilbert spent several days in the hospital for observation . Though we escaped, the emotional toll was immense. Dealing with insurance, cleaning crews and contractors fell mostly to me – more challenging than I ever imagined. All during the worst of the Covid pandemic. 

Displaced: another new country I never wanted to visit, much less dwell in!

In the two years since we moved back into our home, I’ve immersed myself in the study of loss, grief and trauma. It’s been a journey I never expected to make, but one I am truly grateful to be on. Although it’s been the most difficult season of my life, I can honestly say, it’s also been one of the richest seasons in terms of growth. I am finally pulling some of the pieces together and coming to a deeper understanding of God’s presence, His comfort and His design. In addition, I am finally seeing glimmers of hope when I think about the future. 

And that’s what I want to share in this space. Not as one with a lot of answers, but as a fellow traveler who is just a bit further ahead on her journey than you may be right now. Come journey with me and explore this land called grief first with tear-filled eyes, then with a broader lens that will hopefully surprise you as it has me.